


Insecurity

by gleeksfreaksandwannabes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Insecure Alec, M/M, alec angst is my weakness, based off THAT shirt, cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 12:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleeksfreaksandwannabes/pseuds/gleeksfreaksandwannabes
Summary: (Based off that shirt Matt wore during Harry's takeover)Alec's never really liked being the center of attention, not unless he's giving orders to his institute, so when Magnus helps him pick out a shirt for an upcoming party, he begins to wonder whether he'll ever feel comfortable with everyone's eyes on him.





	Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Two stories in one day? What is this?!
> 
> I meant to post this the other day but my internet wasn't agreeing with me, so I'm posting it now! Enjoy guys!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr [here!](http://gleeksfreaksandwannabes.tumblr.com)

"Magnus, are you sure about this?" Alec called as he looked warily at his reflection in the mirror and pulled at the sleeves of his new shirt, willing them to be longer.

"Of course I am, darling!" Magnus' voice said from the living room "When have I ever lead you astray?" Alec let out something between a snort and a short chuckle and hoped Magnus didn't hear it as he gave up on his sleeves and made his way into the living room,

"Well, there was that time in Toyko where you-- what?" Magnus blinked out of his reverie and smiled, standing up to greet his boyfriend,

"Alexander, you look incredible!" he said, smiling brightly, and Alec shifted a little under his gaze,

"You don't think it's too tight?" Magnus chuckled, placing his hands on Alec's chest, sending shockwaves through his skin as he slid them up to clasp around his neck,

"There is no such thing as a shirt that's too tight on you," he said softly, his breath ghosting over Alec's neck making him shiver as Magnus pressed a kiss to his cheek "just let me make one adjustment," he said as he pulled back, undoing the top two buttons, running his finger down Alec's now exposed chest as Alec suppressed a shudder before gently turning him around by his shoulders to face the mirror hanging behind him,

"There," Magnus said gently "you see? You look gorgeous," Alec took in a slow breath as he looked over his reflection, trying to get over how... different he felt. 

Magnus had helped him pick out a new dress shirt for an upcoming event to officially name him head of the institute, and he had insisted Alec choose something different,

'I love you, Alexander, but if I see you in that plain blue shirt at a formal event again, you're a dead man walking,' he had said 'you're beautiful darling, people need to see it,'

As it was, he was wearing a dark brown button up shirt, silkier like the ones Magnus wore - the material ghosted over his skin as he put it on, clinging to him much closer than anything he had ever worn before - and there was a pattern of pale gold shapes running down the whole thing, almost shining in the light. It was more than he had ever worn before, more color, more patterns, it was guaranteed to draw more attention to him... but even he had to admit it did look nice.

Clothes had never been something Alec cared about, he had grown up on old sweaters and shadowhunting gear; Isabelle had tried to make him change his look countless times over the years, but nothing she bought him had ever felt right. He had always felt best in his faded sweaters, grey and full of holes from years of use, sleeves stretched out from pulling them over his hands when he felt down, the perfect nothing color for fading into the background when he needed to. Or he wore shadowhuntjng gear, black for hiding in the shadows, sleek and silent as he stalked countless demons, that was where he had felt more comfortable, where he felt he was doing something right, until...

Until he met Magnus; Magnus, in all his color and glitter, his jewelry and fine clothing. Alec had never known how he did it, walking around in everything he wore without a care in the world, the same way that his sister did, or Jace did in his blood stained gear. He was confident, Alec realized, confident in who he was and what he presented himself to be, and it wasn't until Alec became acting head of the institute, until he reached into the back of his wardrobe for his dusty suit jacket, standing up straighter than he ever had when he put it on and addressed his institute, that he felt confident in his clothes too.

He had made small changes over the last few months with Magnus, nothing he wasn't comfortable with, until he decided to take a risk...

"Hey," Magnus said gently, running a hand over Alec's bicep "where are you?"

"I'm here," Alec replied, turning to peck Magnus gently on the lips "with you," he caught the clock on the mantle in the corner of his eye and disentangled himself from his boyfriend "and we're going to be late," Magnus clicked his tongue as Alec put on his jacket,

"Well we can't have that, now can we?" he said as he brushed Alec's shoulders with his hands "the head of the New York institute, late to his own celebration?"

"I guess not," Alec said, taking one last glance at his reflection in the mirror "Magnus?"

"You look beautiful, darling, I promise you," Magnus said, pecking Alec's cheek quickly before taking his hand and leading him through the portal he had made.

They stepped out of the portal a just around the corner from the institute, and as Alec caught sight of a few of the guests making their way down the street and into the building, he found his stomach flopping uncomfortably, and he hastily did up the buttons on his jacket,

"Alexander, relax," Magnus told him squeezing his bicep comfortingly as he looped his arm through there "everything's going to be fine,"

"Yeah," Alec breathed, more to himself "everything's OK," as they approached the institute, Magnus let go of Alec's arm,

"Professionalism, darling," he said when Alec gave him a wide eyed look "breathe, Alexander,"

A few people looked up from their conversations as they entered the foyer, and as they made their way through the ops center and to the main hall, people looked briefly over to them before looking away again. The voice in Alec's head told them that it was because he was the head of the institute, or because he was with Magnus, but as the night progressed he found himself wrapping his arms around his middle, his eyes darting around the room uncomfortably. Magnus caught his hands as he reached to fiddle with the buttons on his jacket again, stopping him and taking him over to a quieter corridor off the hall,

"Alexander, what is it?"

"It's nothing," Alec said hastily "I'm fine,"

"Alec," Magnus said again, his hands squeezing Alec's reassuringly "it's me, remember? You can tell me anything," Alec hesitated a moment, his eyes on the floor, before reluctantly bringing them up to meet Magnus',

"It's the shirt," he admitted "I thought I could wear it, that it was OK, but I don't know..."

"You can change it if you want to, Alexander--"

"No," Alec said immediately "I just wish people wouldn't stare at me," he mumbled, his shoulders sinking in slightly as he withdrew.

"They're not staring at you," Magnus told him "and even if they were, it's because you're the head of their institute, not because of the shirt. Listen, if you're worried about what other people think--"

"I'm not," Alec insisted "or, I don't want to be. I don't want to care what they think, Magnus, I only want to care about what you think,"

"I know," Magnus said gently, running his thumb over the back of Alec's hand "self-confidence isn't isn't easy to come by I'm afraid, but Alexander, trust me when I say that you have nothing to worry about. I'd never let you wear something you look terrible in, when I tell you you look amazing, I mean it, even when you wake up with your hair a mess, or you come home caked in blood and bruises, you still look beautiful. Do you trust me?" Alec nodded, his eyes still on the floor,

"Alec, look at me," Magnus said softly, and Alec slowly picked his head up, his gaze locking with Magnus' "you're amazing, darling, not because of what you wear, but because of who you are. You're a leader, Alexander, you're strong and brave, and loyal to a fault. You care so much about those around you, you'll do anything to keep them safe, you want to make things right between our worlds, and you'll stop at nothing to make that happen. That's what everyone sees when they look at you darling, they don't see the clothes you wear, they see a powerful leader that's going to protect them and bring us all into a better world. You are so confident, standing up there telling everyone what you're going to do, you're a wonderful leader, I've seen it, Alexander, so please don't let a silly piece of clothing be the reason you ever doubt that." 

Alec was silent, his mouth open a touch and his eyes stinging with tears, and he blinked at them furiously as he pulled Magnus into a hug. Magnus, who was always right, who always knew exactly what to say to make him understand, who knew exactly what he was feeling, even when he couldn't find the words to tell him. Magnus, who was the most understanding, patient, and loving person he knew, he was beyond lucky to have. Alec pulled him in even tighter, burying his face into Magnus' velvet coat and inhaling the mixture of sandalwood, lavender and burning that was inherently Magnus, the scent that calmed every last nerve in his body as he let out a shaky breath,

"Thank you,"

The applause that concluded his welcome speech a while later was thunderous, and Alec couldn't help but smile as he caught sight of the faces in the crowd; they weren't staring at his clothes, they were looking up at his face, each with a grateful optimism, the promise of a better future settling a comfortable warmth in his chest.

"Congratulations," Jace said with a slap on the shoulder when he came down to his siblings, clustered in a little corner with Clary, Simon and Magnus. His little family. "You looked great up there, brother,"

"You sure did," Isabelle smirked, running her gaze up and down Alec's outfit "Magnus has been picking out your clothes I see," she turned to Magnus "congrats, I've never been able to get him out of those old sweaters,"

"Actually," Magnus said, adjusting Alec's collar affectionately "he did this on his own,"

"Wow," Clary said as Alec unbuttoned his jacket, a small smile appearing on her face at his relaxed, open and happy expression "you look great, Alec,"

"So does this mean you're going to wear color now?" Izzy piped up "Because I have this great shirt in lilac that would look amazing on you!"

"Uh, I don't think so!" Alec said, his eyes wide "Maybe we just take this one step at a time, Iz,"

Magnus vaguely heard Jace say 'should've stuck to the sweaters' as Alec dragged him away, and he couldn't help but smirk before turning to Izzy,

"Give the shirt to me," he told her as Clary and Simon chuckled beside him "I'll see what I can do,"


End file.
